Both partners experience support, respect, and being heard in a healthy relationship. However, the dynamics change when control starts to take precedence above respect for one another. Frequently, the change is so subtle that it is initially difficult to notice.
Red flags are not often immediately raised by a dominant partner. In actuality, controlling behaviours may begin as care, counsel, or even love. But with time, they could develop into manipulative routines that have a significant negative impact on your self-worth, impair your judgement, and change the way you view yourself.
Emotional manipulation is one of the most prevalent strategies employed by domineering partners. During arguments, they could attempt to place the blame on you rather than directly expressing their concerns, which could lead to misunderstanding and guilt. For example, they may respond, “You’re just overreacting again,” or “You’re always so sensitive,” if you raise a valid concern. This kind of reaction minimises your emotions and shifts the blame away from them. This may eventually cause you to doubt your intuition. When you’re being coerced into adopting toxic relationships, you may begin to question whether you’re the true issue.
Despite what many people think, domineering behaviour isn’t usually overt or violent. It can be discrete, courteous, and encased in gestures that appear harmless. For instance, by implying that people don’t genuinely care about you or that it’s preferable to spend time with “just the two of you,” they progressively distance you from friends and family. Under the pretence of “helping” you make better decisions, they micromanage your choices, whether it’s what to wear, who to talk to, or even how much money to spend.
Claiming it’s out of love or concern for your safety, they keep an eye on your whereabouts or demand that you be available for check-ins at all times. You may start to adapt to these behaviours without even realising it because they can creep into your life so gradually. You begin to second-guess your choices, tread carefully to avoid confrontation, or sacrifice aspects of yourself to keep the peace.
One particularly harmful kind of control is gaslighting. It occurs when someone warps reality in order to cause you to question how you perceive certain occurrences. They may claim that your memory is faulty, accuse you of making things up, or deny things they have said or done that are obvious. This strategy can gradually weaken your sense of reality, leaving you feeling scared, powerless, and reliant on your controlling spouse to tell you what is “real.”
The fact that controlling behaviours frequently begin discreetly and develop gradually over time is one factor contributing to the difficulty of controlling relationships. Early indicators might be written off as oddities or misunderstandings. Additionally, if you have a strong bond with your spouse or if they are normally kind, you might want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Additionally, to keep you emotionally unbalanced, controlling partners frequently employ intermittent reinforcement, which involves alternating between praise and condemnation. It might be quite difficult to leave or even recognise that something is amiss because of this hot-and-cold dynamic.
Here are some things to think about if you think your partner might be controlling you in an unhealthy way. Have faith in your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, it most likely does. Patterns in documents. Maintain a confidential notebook or log of any actions that worry you. Patterns could become more obvious with time. Speak with a trusted person. A therapist, family member, or friend can provide emotional support and an outside viewpoint. Learn for yourself. To help you spot emotional abuse and manipulative techniques, learn more about them. Establish limits. Start small by saying no, taking a break, or being honest about how you feel. Take note of your partner’s response.
It is not a sign of weakness or naivete to be in a domineering relationship. These actions can be deceptive, subtle, and quite perplexing. The most important thing is acknowledging when something doesn’t feel right and allowing yourself to explore that emotion without feeling guilty or ashamed. You deserve a partnership in which your independence is respected, your feelings are acknowledged, and your voice counts. It might be time to reconsider what’s best for your emotional health if that’s not what you’re feeling.
Seek advice and assistance from a mental health professional or a support hotline if you or someone you know is exhibiting symptoms of emotional or psychological abuse. There is support available, and you are not alone.