An Australian “sexuality educator” has sparked a contentious internet discussion by recommending that parents get their baby’s consent before changing their nappies.
The online community is intrigued and perplexed by Deanne Carson’s claim that a “culture of consent” must begin at birth. One netizen enquired as to whether it is also required to obtain “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
The subject of consent is becoming more prevalent in unexpected contexts, such as nappy changes, in a world where parenting practices are changing more quickly than ever before.
Since newborns and babies lack the linguistic ability to respond, it may seem impracticable to ask for permission before changing a dirty nappy.
However, according to Deanne Carson, it’s more important to establish the groundwork for consent and polite boundaries as soon as possible rather than waiting for a formal response.
A culture of consent must begin at birth, according to Carson, who identifies herself on Twitter as a “sexuality educator, speaker, and author”.
She clarifies that the goal is to highlight the child’s autonomy and respect for their body. Parents can teach newborns about personal agency by describing actions, such as “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” and stopping to observe body language.
Increasing communication and trust
The self-described expert contends that the goal of this approach is to promote a two-way communication channel between parent and child rather than to wait for a verbal “yes.”
Carson stated in an interview with Australia’s ABC network that a baby would not say, “Yes, mum, that is awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed.” “However, you are communicating to that child that their response counts if you leave a space and wait for body language and eye contact.”
As part of good communication, paediatricians and early childhood specialists frequently stress the need of reacting to a baby’s non-verbal signs, such as coos, giggles, or gestures. This is in line with incorporating permission into nappy changes, which involves including newborns in the process and making them somewhat aware of what is happening.
“Left madness”
Critics contend that children are far too young to comprehend the concept of permission, and not everyone believes that this approach is essential or viable.
Asking a baby’s consent to change their nappies is “lefty lunacy,” according to Rowan Dean, editor of The Spectator Australia.
Carson also receives the distinction of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time,” according to psychotherapist, journalist, and parenting expert John Rosemond.
Rosemond says in the Reno Gazette Journal, “There was a time, not too long ago, when a person who suggested that parents should ask infants for permission to change their nappies would be considered insane by everyone but herself.” “In this contradictory way, Carson’s ‘culture of consent’ turns into a family culture of misunderstanding, distrust, denial, and general dysfunction.”
Many people on social media ridiculed Carson’s beliefs and criticised her qualifications after her comments sparked a flurry of online discussions.
“I think it’s consent when a baby cries because they are uncomfortable in a full nappy. “I would even go so far as to call it a demand,” one internet user comments.
Another says, “A self-described ‘professional’ advises parents to get consent before changing their child’s nappy. This indicates to me that she has absolutely no experience working with children.
“Do you need to get consent from your cat to change its litter tray?” said a third netizen in response to a video that was posted on X. No. Change it if it smells bad. The same is true for a baby. Just replace it if it wees or poohs! “Leaving a child in a dirty nappy is legally recognised as child abuse,” another adds. Is this crazy person a supporter of child abuse? She poses a greater threat than those who support banning punches.
‘Sexuality expert’ says parents should ask for baby’s consent when changing nappies.
Yes, really… pic.twitter.com/iR6wUfP87i
— Sunrise (@sunriseon7) May 10, 2018
However, several individuals immediately defended her, claiming that although Carson’s example was flawed, her intentions were excellent.
“I’m really shocked at the negative response you got to this,” comments one netizen. Before they can speak, infants [and] toddlers learn how to communicate effectively. I appreciate you putting up with the haters so we could have this conversation. What harm could there possibly be in demonstrating respect, even if you’re mistaken?
Another remarks, “I believe she wants to promote a dialogue on consent among children, but she has made a mockery of it by going too far. Infants are incapable of giving their permission. Never. They are infants! It is considered that they have survival and safety needs.
“I agree with Deanne Carson,” writes another. Talking to your infant is simple. It’s simple to establish a consenting environment at home.
Even if the topic isn’t solely about consent, most people feel that it’s beneficial to be aware of and talk to babies.
The decision to “ask” for consent may ultimately depend on personal comfort levels and parenting philosophies. Asking for permission is just one more approach for some parents to develop a loving, respectful relationship with their children; for others, it may be sufficient to merely interact, pay attention, and meet their baby’s needs.
How do you feel about Carson’s suggestion that parents ask their infants for permission to change their nappies? So that we can hear from others, kindly share this story and let us know what you think!