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<\/p>\nNinety-four-year-old Grandma Ethel strolls into a church and heads straight for the confession booth. She eases the door shut, sits down, and clears her throat. On the other side, the priest smiles. \u201cWelcome, my child. What would you like to confess today?\u201d Ethel leans forward, eyes twinkling. \u201cFather, I have a confession. Last night, I went out with a twenty-two-year-old man.\u201d The priest blinks. Undeterred, she continues: \u201cDinner, candlelight, real silverware. We danced, laughed\u2026 and then we went back to his place.\u201d<\/p>\n
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The priest, gripping the edge of the booth, asks cautiously, \u201cDid something\u2026 inappropriate happen?\u201d Ethel cackles. \u201cOh yes, Father. Very inappropriate.\u201d When asked when she last confessed, she thinks, \u201cProbably\u2026 1956?\u201d The priest exhales. \u201cWell, you\u2019re overdue.\u201d \u201cNope,\u201d she says cheerfully. \u201cI just wanted someone to brag to.\u201d<\/p>\n
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She sighs dreamily. \u201cEveryone thinks life at my age is knitting, naps, and yelling at the TV. But last night? I felt twenty again. Well\u2026 maybe thirty. My knees still know their limits.\u201d The priest mutters, \u201cAnd you\u2019re not sorry?\u201d \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d she says sweetly, \u201csorry I didn\u2019t do it sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Ethel grins, recounting the gentlemanly gestures of her young companion, and the priest\u2019s jaw drops further as she plans Pilates, book club, and dinner dates with men half her age.<\/p>\n
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Finally, she stands, pats the booth, and adds with a wink, \u201cIf you hear rumors about me\u2026 go ahead and believe them.\u201d With that, Grandma Ethel walks out, leaving a priest who will never look at bingo night\u2014or confession\u2014the same way again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ninety-four-year-old Grandma Ethel strolls into a church and heads straight for the confession booth. She eases the door shut, sits down, and clears her throat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4653,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-viral-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4652","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4652"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4652\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4654,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4652\/revisions\/4654"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4653"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4652"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4652"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4652"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}