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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
My kids kept me in my room on Christmas so I could \u201crest.\u201d Later, I heard my daughter-in-law say, \u201cNo one wants to endure her drama.\u201d Everyone chuckled. When they discovered my absence the following day, it was already too late.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As I turned the brass key in the lock of the guest room door, it felt cold in my hand. It was Christmas morning, and I was stuck in my son\u2019s house. There was laughter, clinking glasses, and the fragrance of honey-glazed ham coming from downstairs. It was a family get-together, but I was locked up like a secret that made me feel awful.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My knees hurt because I was sixty-seven years old and put my ear against the tiny wall. I needed to know what people actually thought of me.<\/p>\n
Nicholas\u2019s voice came up, sounding annoyed, \u201cMom\u2019s finally quiet.\u201d \u201cMaybe this time we can thoroughly enjoy Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Then there was laughter, Meline\u2019s shrill, cruel laugh. \u201cThank God. If she said something awful about the stuffing one more time, I was going to lose it. We get it, Oprah. Your mom\u2019s recipe was better. But she has been deceased for twenty years. We don\u2019t manage a museum here.<\/p>\n
My chest got constricted, but things were about to get worse. My grandchildren, Michael, who is 17, and Sarah, who is 15, also laughed. The same kids who once asked me for stories now joined others in making fun of me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t break something inside me. It broke. It broke slowly and in a potentially deadly manner.<\/p>\n
I sat on the side of the bed and ran my fingertips over the threads of the quilt I had made thirty years ago. My handbag, which had $847 in cash and an old picture of Nicholas at seven, with gaps in his teeth and a big smile, was in the drawer. That boy used to love me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I took some of Meline\u2019s stationery off the nightstand and started to write. Thanks for making this Christmas one I\u2019ll never forget. I decided to give you the present you truly desire: my absence.<\/p>\n
After placing the message on the pillow, I gathered my luggage and opened the window. The cold December air rushed in and felt sharp with freedom. The trellis waited below me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I climbed out of my son\u2019s house like a runaway teenager when I was sixty-seven. I wasn\u2019t regretful.<\/p>\n
When I turned the brass key in the lock of my bedroom door, it felt chilly between my fingertips. It was Christmas morning, and my kids had locked me up like a family secret that was too shameful to share. I could hear them laughing downstairs through the thin walls of my son Nicholas\u2019s house in the suburbs. The smell of honey-glazed ham mixed with the fake pine of their plastic Christmas tree.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I put my ear against the door, and my knees, which are sixty-seven years old, hurt as I crouched on the chilly hardwood. I had to hear this. I had to know what had happened to my family.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom\u2019s finally quiet,\u201d Nicholas muttered, his voice full of the annoyance that had become second nature to him over the past five years. \u201cMaybe we can finally enjoy Christmas.\u201d My heart sank. I had raised this youngster and worked double shifts at the textile mill to make sure he had clean clothes and hot food after his father left. Now, at Christmas, I was the problem.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Meline, his wife, laughed like broken glass. \u201cThank God.\u201d If she said something awful about the stuffing one more time, I was going to lose it. We got it, Oprah. The recipe your mom gave you was better. But you know what? We don\u2019t have a museum here, and she\u2019s been deceased for twenty years.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My grandkids, who are teenagers, laughed. Michael, 17, and Sarah, 15, who used to ask me to tell them stories, were now part of the chorus, laughing at Grandma\u2019s expense. Something inside me broke like ice on a pond. Not broken, but cracked. When something breaks, it happens all at once. When it breaks, it happens slowly, is unavoidable, and is much more harmful.<\/p>\n
I rose up and headed to the window. Nicholas lived on a cul-de-sac with lawns and mailboxes that all looked the same. A church bell rang ten times in the distance. I sat on the side of the guest bed, running my fingers over the \u201cwedding ring\u201d stitching on the quilt I made thirty years ago. I got the irony.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My handbag was on the dresser, and it included everything I owned: $847 in cash, my ID, and a small picture of Nicholas at age seven, with a gap between his teeth and a proud smile, holding up a fish we had caught. That boy used to love me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Someone turned on the TV downstairs. The house was filled with the familiar sounds of a holiday parade. They were regular Christmas noises for a normal family, but not for me. I took a piece of Meline\u2019s pricey stationery out of the drawer on the nightstand. I looked at the blank page for a while before I started to write.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Family, Thank you for making this Christmas one to remember. In the last three days, I\u2019ve learned more about my place in this house than I did in the past six months.<\/p>\n
I stopped and listened to them laugh again. The pen felt heavy with sixty-seven years of disappointment.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I know what you truly want for Christmas, so I\u2019m going to give it to you: I\u2019m going to stay away. You don\u2019t have to worry about me. Nicholas, I hope you find the tranquility you need. Meline, your spice rack is now in alphabetical order, so enjoy it. Michael and Sarah, you might understand when you\u2019re older.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s no need to search for me. I\u2019ll be okay. Oprah, with love and disappointment,<\/p>\n
I folded the note and put it on the bed. I opened my luggage, which was the identical one I had used for my honeymoon in 1978. I noticed a business card at the bottom that I had forgotten about. It came from a real estate agent named Janet Waters who works with rural properties. I put it in my coat pocket.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I could hear them opening gifts through the door. I grabbed my suitcase and headed up to the window. The guest room was on the second floor, but there was a trellis on the side of the house that was covered in dormant grapevines. I\u2019ve climbed down worse stuff before. With a slight creak, the window opened. The cold December air surged in, bringing with it the smell of snow and hope.<\/p>\n
I threw my suitcase down first and saw it land in the bushes below. Then I swung one leg over the edge. I felt something in my heart that I hadn\u2019t felt in years. It wasn\u2019t fear. It was being free.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The Greyhound bus station in downtown Minneapolis smelled like crushed dreams and disinfectant. Nicholas\u2019s number rang on my phone. I let it ring until it stopped. I took out the phone and turned it off completely after the fourth call. I wasn\u2019t concerned about what was going on in that suburban house anymore.<\/p>\n
The young man at the ticket counter looked like he was bored. \u201cNext,\u201d he said, even though I was the only one in line.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need a ticket to the north,\u201d I said. \u201cSomewhere with lakes and not too many people.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He looked at me with narrowed eyes. \u201cAre you trying to get somewhere specific, or are you just trying to get away from Christmas?\u201d It\u2019s Christmas Day, ma\u2019am. There are only two types of people who buy bus tickets on Christmas: those who are going to see family and those who are trying to get away from family. \u201cHey, you don\u2019t look like you\u2019re going to a reunion.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I was close to smiling. \u201cGrand Rapids,\u201d I answered, recognizing the name from the departure board. I counted the money and saw that my escape fund had dropped to $810. I took out Janet Waters\u2019s business card as we left Minneapolis and entered freezing farmland. I guess a part of me always knew this day would arrive.<\/p>\n
I was the sole person who got off at the Grand Rapids stop. The main street in front of me was lined with shops that were closed for the holiday. It seemed like a movie set because it was too pristine and too quiet. Great. The Northwoods Inn was a neat but tired three-story building on the corner.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
There was a real fireplace in the small, pleasant lobby. There was an older woman behind the desk. \u201cDo you need a room?\u201d she asked, closing her paperback book.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, please.\u201d Just for tonight.<\/p>\n
\u201cOprah, welcome to Grand Rapids. My name is Rosa. \u201cI own this place,\u201d she said, handing me a key. \u201cAre you okay, honey? \u201cLooks like you\u2019ve had a long day.\u201d The tenderness in her voice almost made me cry.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d I said, and then I said, \u201cJust making some changes.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes changes are necessary,\u201d she said as she picked up her book. \u201cThe restaurant across the street is open late for people like us who don\u2019t have anywhere else to go.\u201d People like us. The remark came from behind me as I went up the stairs. I unpacked in my room and found a little notebook. A therapist told me to do it years ago. I was only able to complete three entries before I relinquished my efforts, as I was too occupied with attending to the needs of others. I opened it and started to write.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The 25th of December, 2024. Minnesota\u2019s Grand Rapids. Today, I ran away from Christmas. I ran away from home like a teenager when I was sixty-seven years old. And I\u2019m not sorry.<\/p>\n
I have $745 remaining, a hotel reservation for one night, and no clear plan of action. But for the first time in a long time, I\u2019m just quiet. And the silence feels like a chance.<\/p>\n
Janet Waters looked just like her voice sounded on the phone: friendly, practical, and a little worn out. She drove up to the inn in a red pickup truck. She said, \u201cYou must be Oprah,\u201d as she got out. \u201cMost people don\u2019t search for a new house the day after Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cMost people don\u2019t leave home on Christmas Day.\u201d
\nShe really laughed. \u201cOkay, that\u2019s fair. Okay, get in. I have three places to show you. I would term them all \u201cdiamonds in the rough.\u201d<\/p>\n
The first place I want to show you is a farmhouse located ten miles outside of town. The house had two floors, white clapboard siding, green shutters, and a wraparound porch that sagged a little but looked like it had hosted a thousand summer nights. There was a red barn behind it. The paint was peeling, but the barn was still strong.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As we walked through the snow, Janet said, \u201cThe owner died last spring.\u201d \u201cHer kids live in California.\u201d Want to sell fast. They want $45,000, but I bet they\u2019d take $38,000.<\/p>\n
The inside was frozen in 1955. The wallpaper has little roses on it, and the cabinets in the kitchen are mint green. The windows were big, though, and let in a lot of natural light. Janet added, \u201cLouise Qualls was the last owner.\u201d \u201cRaised seven kids in this house and lived here for sixty years.\u201d People who lived near her say she was the kind of woman who never met a stranger.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Louise Qualls was a woman I had never met who had made a home here, and I felt a connection to her. Janet said, \u201cThe house comes with twelve acres.\u201d \u201cThe barn is structurally sound, and there is a vegetable garden.\u201d<\/p>\n
Twelve acres. Nicholas had given me one bedroom in his house. Here, I could have twelve acres all to myself. I remarked, \u201cThis is the one,\u201d while standing on the crumbling porch. \u201cI want to make a deal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Janet\u2019s face showed that she cared, yet it was also realistic. \u201cOprah, do you have money ready?\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought about the $745 I had. \u201cI have some cash.\u201d I realized that the amount I had was not sufficient to cover the entire cost.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cOwner financing,\u201d Janet answered right away. The kids want to sell this house. They might work with you if you can put down $5,000 and agree to make monthly payments.<\/p>\n
Five thousand bucks. It was more than I had, but not by a significant amount. I have four days to get the money and change my whole life. It should have been impossible, but being on Louise\u2019s porch made it seem like it had to happen.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I found something I had forgotten that night at the hotel: a Certificate of Deposit my mom bought me in 1985. It was worth a little more than $4,200. I called the bank and found out that I could get the money in two business days. Thereafter, I contacted Janet and told her to write up the paperwork. I was heading home to a house I\u2019d only seen once, in a place where I didn\u2019t know anyone, with a plan that was only in my head. It was the smartest thing I\u2019d done in a long time.<\/p>\n
Nicholas found me three months after I started my new life. I was weeding the garden when I heard the car door slam. Slowly, I rose up and turned to look at my son. He seemed older and thinner. Meline stood behind him next to their rental car, arms crossed, and wearing a leather jacket that screamed money.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cHello, Nicholas,\u201d in a calm voice. \u201cHow did you find me?\u201d<\/p>\n
He remarked, \u201cIt took a private investigator and three months.\u201d \u201cDo you have any idea what you made us go through? Going away on Christmas Day?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI wrote a note.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA note?\u201d \u201cMeline\u2019s voice was harsh. \u201cYou wrote a note and then went away. \u201cWe thought you were dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a long time, I glanced at her. I answered gently, \u201cNo.\u201d \u201cYou wanted me to be gone. \u201cThere\u2019s a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nicholas got in between us. \u201cPlease, Mom. We were so worried. We called the police, hospitals, and other places.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what it was like to be locked in a bedroom while my family laughed about my \u2018old lady drama,’\u201d I said. \u201cI know what it was like to hear my daughter-in-law say that no one had time for me.\u201d So when you ask me what I put you through, I have to question whether you\u2019ve ever thought about what you put me through.<\/p>\n
He gazed around the land and saw the farmhouse with its new coat of white paint and the small sign by the driveway that said, \u201cQualls\u2019 Rest: A Place for Travelers.\u201d \u201cWhat is this place?\u201d He asked, \u201cWhat?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s my house. And my work.\u201d I own a bed and breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want a bed and breakfast?\u201d Meline repeated her question, and her tone suggested that I had just claimed to be running a den of sin. \u201cMom, you don\u2019t know how to run a business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI worked in a factory for thirty years, raised a son, balanced budgets, and solved problems every day,\u201d I said. \u201cThose are precisely the skills you need,\u201d it turns out.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nicholas said, \u201cLook,\u201d in a calm voice. \u201cWe came here to say we\u2019re sorry. Things went out of control. Honey, Meline feels awful about what she said, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Meline had a fake smile on her face. \u201cOf course. It was a tough moment. I didn\u2019t mean for you to take it so seriously.<\/p>\n
I looked at her. Her apology was even an insult, a brilliant way to avoid taking responsibility. \u201cI get it. So when you declared that no one had time for old lady drama, you were just \u201cstressing\u201d? \u201c<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
There was a long silence between us. Finally, Nicholas remarked, \u201cThe point is, we want you to come home.\u201d We miss you.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you?\u201d \u201cWhy?\u201d I asked. \u201cOr have you missed having someone to blame for family problems? For sixty-seven years, my family has come first. But when I needed my family to put me first, they laughed at me and locked the door. So please excuse me if I\u2019m not in a hurry to go back to a family who only acknowledges I exist when it\u2019s easy for them.<\/p>\n
His face crumpled a little. \u201cWhat do you want from us?\u201d \u201cWhy?\u201d Meline exclaimed, her voice full of anger. \u201cAn apology? Okay. I\u2019m sorry. Cash? We can talk about the plans. \u201cJust tell us what we need to do to fix this.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I glanced at the woman who thought that every relationship could be boiled down to rules and terms. Finally, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want anything from you.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s the point.\u201d For the first time as an adult, I don\u2019t need anything from anyone. \u201cI\u2019m whole, just the way I am.\u201d<\/p>\n
I got my tools for gardening. \u201cFeel free to stay for dinner.\u201d But if you do, you\u2019ll be guests in my home, not family members who want me to give up my life to make yours easier. I walked into the house and locked the door, leaving them standing in the driveway with their half-hearted apologies and late concern.<\/p>\n
A year later, while I was putting up Christmas lights on the wraparound porch, the phone rang. Nicholas was the one.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMom.\u201d His voice sounded strange. Less big. \u201cHow are you?\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m OK. I have a busy schedule. I have a full schedule until New Year\u2019s.<\/p>\n
I will be taking a long break. \u201d Hey, I was calling about Christmas. \u201cWe\u2019d like to have you over for dinner. No stress.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s different, Nicholas?\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cQuite a bit. Meline and I have been seeing a counselor. And the kids have been wanting to know about you. Particularly, they have been curious about Sarah. Last week, she said something that really got to me. She stated she wanted to be bold like her grandmother and speak up for herself when she was older.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I sensed a shift within my chest, as if the burden of stress I had been bearing for so long was beginning to diminish. Thanks for the invite, but I can\u2019t go. I have people over. People who don\u2019t have typical families have a hard time around the holidays. They need somewhere to go.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe could go there.\u201d His voice seemed unsure.<\/p>\n
I thought about this. There would be many people in my house. I had made a chosen family of women who knew how to be strong and who valued kindness over familial ties. I answered, \u201cYou\u2019d be guests.\u201d \u201cNot family visiting family, but paying guests.\u201d \u201cSame rules as everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d You can decide what you think is fair.<\/p>\n
After a minute, he replied, \u201cMeline wants to know if there are any other rules.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled, recalling the guest restrictions posted in each room. \u201cDon\u2019t judge other people\u2019s choices.\u201d No remarks about how someone looks, how much they weigh, or how old they are. And there is no tolerance for anyone who makes another guest feel uncomfortable or criticized.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThose rules are obvious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey work.\u201d<\/p>\n
On Christmas morning, there was new snow. There were eight guests and Nicholas\u2019s family in the house, and they all moved around each other with the careful civility of people who are learning to share space. Sarah was the one that astonished me the most. She was eighteen and had spent the night before helping me make breakfast.<\/p>\n
As we rolled out the biscuit dough, she said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d \u201cThat Christmas. I was fifteen and dumb, and I assumed that being mean was the same as being an adult.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I glanced at her and saw a young woman who had learned how to be kind. \u201cThank you for your apology.\u201d But more importantly, what did you find out?<\/p>\n
\u201cFamilies should help each other instead of hurting each other.\u201d And I want to be the kind of woman that stands up for herself, like you did.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
After breakfast, we gave each other little, handcrafted gifts. Nicholas brought me a photo album he produced with images from happier times. There was only one picture of me on the last page, and it was of me on the porch of this house during his visit in March. I looked healthy and happy. Meline gave a lovely, beautifully carved wooden sign that said \u201cQualls\u2019 Rest: A Haven for Travelers.\u201d<\/p>\n
But Sarah\u2019s gift made me cry. A silver key-shaped pendant. \u201cIt\u2019s to remind you that you always have the key to your life,\u201d she remarked. \u201cAnd you taught me that I have the key to mine too.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nicholas came to find me in the kitchen later. He said, \u201cThanks,\u201d while drying a plate. \u201cThank you for letting us come.\u201d This was meant to give us an opportunity to do better.<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t forgiveness,\u201d to make sure they understood. \u201cThis is a start. It has to be different if it is going to function.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d I thought that being a man meant making choices for everyone else my whole life. I believed I was keeping you safe by keeping an eye on you. I was mistaken.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you were.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThe woman who left last Christmas was correct to go. And the woman who made this site is amazing.\u201d I am proud to be your son, even if I don\u2019t deserve to be.\u201d I looked at his face and saw no manipulation, simply a shocking honesty.<\/p>\n
I finally said, \u201cYou\u2019ll always be my son.\u201d \u201cBut if you want to be in my life, we have to be equal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEquals,\u201d he said again, as if he were trying out the term. \u201cThat\u2019s fine with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I sat on my porch that night, wrapped in my old quilt, and watched the snow fall. I got texts from old guests who are now pals on my phone. Thanks for teaching us that 67 isn\u2019t too old to start over. Next year, see you. I also received a message from Sarah. Grandma, I love you. Thanks for showing me how to be brave.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I had learned that revenge didn\u2019t have to be nasty to be complete. Occasionally, the worst thing you could do to those who didn\u2019t value you was to show them they were wrong by making your life so rich and full that they didn\u2019t even know you were gone. However, if they were willing to change and accept you as an equal, revenge could transform into a completely different experience. Something like being saved. Like family, selected on purpose and based on respect. Like home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My kids kept me in my room on Christmas so I could \u201crest.\u201d Later, I heard my daughter-in-law say, \u201cNo one wants to endure<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-viral-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=200"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":202,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200\/revisions\/202"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davisrubin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}