Keeping oneself clean and healthy requires maintaining proper personal hygiene. The frequency of bathing varies; some people like to take a shower every day, while others only do so occasionally. For one reader, however, the problem is more serious: her spouse only takes a shower once a week, which is becoming increasingly problematic in their marriage.
In an attempt to get guidance, the reader related her story.
“On the weekends, my spouse takes a shower, but he works five days a week. He claims he’s too exhausted after work, despite the fact that I’ve mentioned he starts to smell by midweek.
About a year and a half has passed since their marriage. She didn’t give it much thought at first. She hardly ever saw his routine because their job hours were so different—he worked nights and she worked mornings. She discovered he only took a shower once a week when she began working from home a few months later. She initially overlooked it because he didn’t smell and changed clothing every day.
But eventually, it started to annoy her, particularly at night. Because of the weather, she tried giving him clues, like recommending a cool shower, but he never answered. Even though she personally had a shower every day, she was concerned that it would be impolite to critique his morning face washing routine.
When he transitioned to a physically demanding day job, things got harder. Sweating, he didn’t take a shower when he got home. She acknowledged, “It grossed me out.” However, she didn’t face the problem head-on until she became pregnant.
“I asked him to take a shower at least three times a week, but I also mentioned that I might be more sensitive during pregnancy.” She underlined how crucial good hygiene is to both her personal comfort and the health of the unborn child. To his surprise, he consented. She wished she had spoken up sooner, yet she felt relieved. Her husband was encouraging and supportive both during her pregnancy and following the delivery of the child.
But as everything calmed down, he resumed his previous behavior.
He would change his clothing, pick up their newborn without taking a shower, and return home sweating from lengthy workdays. I cringed at it. I was concerned about infections and germs that would injure the unborn child.
Not only was he taking fewer showers, but he also started to smell strongly of himself. “Even his once-weekly shower was insufficient to cover up the oil in his hair.” One evening, she addressed him at last. She described him as “gross” and “disgusting” after venting her long-standing annoyances. She immediately felt remorse for the harshness of her words, and he appeared astonished.
To her surprise, he said he had never committed to take additional showers or altered his personal hygiene regimen. She began to doubt her recall and wonder if she had just made up his agreement. She brought up their previous talk in tears, but he denied it. She sobbed herself to sleep with their infant as he left the room.
She thought about it and realized she might have misinterpreted.
In an attempt to compromise with her, he had been cleaning himself with alcohol rather than taking a shower. Both of them expressed regret. He unexpectedly said, “I don’t want to wash off my manliness,” in response to her question about why he doesn’t want to take more showers. She was in disbelief.
She’s more straightforward now. Because of the odor, she demands that he take a shower at least three times a week. He still dismisses her, though, saying that he is tired from work. When she noticed his clothes coated in mud and dead skin flakes, everything came to a head. She informed him that it was more than simply the odor. “This is a medical condition.” Nevertheless, he brushed her worries aside and retired to his bed.
“Am I expecting too much?” she says now.